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Nov. 13th, 2012

Sleeping alone gets old

I thought it would be ok, but eh I guess I do miss my cuddle buddy. And my cuddlekins. I miss my Saki :(
I just found this app on my phone. Lets see if I keep updating it. I also pulled a gray hair out today. This is not the first. Sigh ...

Edited to add, I can't sleep. So here's a pic of Sophie. We had to put Ando down two weeks ago. The backyard Is empty without him. Fuck insomnia. Why don't I deserve sleep? But it's always been this way. I need a job. I don't know. I'm moved back home. Seth is living w Jason right now. saki will follow later this week.I think this is the last time im going to be able to move back. Erin's coming for Christmas w mark. Excited. Listening to. 80s is always sad. I want to get married next month but I want a ring first. Why is Charlotte sometimes such a good song? Why am i in so much love with the cure.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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Oct. 31st, 2012

"There's life in these old hands still"

Lemme blow off the dust and say that i'm still alive and not dead like i always thought i'd be. Spending another halloween alive. preparing to move out of yet my like thousandth place of living and hating living with roommates. This is the final time. The next time, is no one. I just can't deal with all the dumb BS like "hey you took my silverware" or "that's not mine..." or the leaving of random shit lying around, IDK. I just prefer my alone time and space and I like to be left alone.

But yes. I am preparing to make the move to Denver in May. I am currently unemployed (again) by choice. I hate the fresh market and wish it would burn down. It stole almost 2 years of my life. It was a terrible job and I hated it. but i made money. but I could make more. Thinking of starting a food truck in Denver. Thinking of a lot of ways to make $$ without buying into corporate america, because i'm done working for that shit.

Katie may have appendicitis. She's in the ER. And Auburn is having a terrible season.

Not much more to update about.

I want anyone who sees this to update their long-lost journal with thoughts of their recent life. Facebook and Tumblr have stolen away long blogging with microblogging. Sometimes what you need to say is more than 140 characters. But if not, add me on twitter @ grindinghalt.

Well? Feels good, trusty LJ. I wish they had another wave of early adapters. I've been here for a while.
AG

Oct. 10th, 2009

cocaine!!!!

Hello… how bout that ride in? I guess thats why they call it Sin City haha. You guys might not know this but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So there… there was two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the pack and Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys I thought “wait a second, could it be?” And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine.

Nov. 28th, 2007

(no subject)

the ups and downs of good entertainment.

GOOD:

-futurama movie
-daft punk: interstella 55555
-superbad (summing up high school life in a nutshell for me)
-Halo 3
-Mass Effect
-Cowboy Bebop
-Weeds
-it's always sunny in philidelphia

BAD:

-desperate housewives will never be worth it
-call of duty will never pwn halo
-remaking movies that dont need to be remade
-myspace getting testy



whatevssssss.

anyway, how is everyone?

Dec. 3rd, 2006

Never again

So, for the second time last night i tried acid and ive decided that i will not do acid ever again and nothing will ever persuade me otherwise. why? well, the first time about two weeks ago i took it in a sugarcube dosage. at first, i had a bad trip for maybe an hour but then it was amazing and fun and i could handle it and i was able to sleep. however, this time i took one and a half on a paper blotter and jesus christ, i thought i had died many times last night. i burst out into tears for like ten minutes, smeared my make up everywhere. then laughed uncontrollably. i shivered most the night and the rooms were all melting into one. i was scared and paranoid and i tried to delve myself into mario but alas, nothing. i freaked out when seth wouldnt get off the computer and almost burst into tears again. t hen we walked to cvs and whcih i dont remember that walk at all because i was clinging to seth's arm the whole time. i felt like i was floating.

i swear to god i had like five out of body experiances and thought i was going to die. i just wasent in the right mindset at all and i felt like i couldnt breathe or anything. it got better after a while but it was just so uncomfortable, i dont think its something im going to do again. i'll stick with my potsmoking and occasionally might roll, but pretty much, all other drugs can stay outta my life because im not down. and im even scared to try shrooms now. i had feeling out of control. id much rather just get really high and enjoy it for a few hours tili pass out. not where i lie in bed for hours, watching my boyfriend sleep and trying to rid my mind of all the crosses and demons that were floating around, ughhhh.

scary. and at least with rolling i can cuddle and feel wanted and elated. dude, when youre on acid, you either feel like no one wants you or something it's weird. forget that, no more.

sighhh.

Sep. 17th, 2006

nesquick = good.

things are still changing and i'm like wtf because i dont even know what's in my future ughhhhh. i have to find a job and move the hell out because im stuck in my house with no transportation ever and i dont even have internet anymore skjdkgsfhgkjf sg


678 416 3706... to all my friends. because i guess i wont be writing in here that much anymore unfortuntely =\

Aug. 28th, 2006

College, bleached hair and tales of being arressted..

there's a lot of things i miss about home. for instance, my room that had been personalized with all my fvorite things... all my collages i made, all my posters of my favorite video games, movies and people... all my fashion magazine ads i spent hours looking for... all my pictures of my friends... my dry erase board that had my schedule on it... a lot. i miss my bed with my awesome sheets, my pillows. the way my bunny hopped around when i came into the room. the way he woke me up. how my dad used to wake me up by cleaning the yard early saturday mornings.

i miss flipping on my tv, watching adult swim... bringing friends over. my computer on the ground haha. how my roomw as always a mess. i miss alot partially bc this summer has been amazing so far minus the whole arrest situation. i miss listening to fleetwood mac after coming home from being stoned and just relaxing in my bed. i miss texting like i did in june with seth. i miss looking in my mirrors... i miss everything that feels like home. all my stuff now is boxed up and the room is empty minus an inflatable air matress i sleep on when i come home. it's so barren and sucks.

i miss so much about living at home. my kitchen. being downstairs.. everything. it's a very strange experiance being away from home and my conclusion is that i do not like it.

now here's the hard part... i can't move back until may. and that upsets me because i only know i can finish a semster here and even then tht's hard. it's hard being away from friends, family.. n ot so much family right now given my situation as my dad has forbidden me hng out with not only my boyfriend but two of my good friends as well.


it's just so weird because this weekend has changed a lot ... but not for me. for my parents mostly. i just wnt to quit school and moveback home and get my own place, own car and everything. i want to establish my own financial freedom. but now since tehy bailed me outta jail i'm screwed for a bit. but fuck that.. i'm still hanging out with my friends. it kind of upsets me becuse i'm 20 and should be able to do whatever i want and here we go again.. no freedom. i just wnt to do something to show them ic an do things for myself.

i dont know. a lot of things are changing. i 'm changing but mostly just outwardly ha. it's almost fall.. the best time of the year and i'm going to be going out and having fun. i 've waited all year for fall.

i want to be completely unbound from my paarents.

(no subject)

period = over thank god. not pregnant.

however i spent three days in jail.

long story. haha

but i spent three days in jail after getting arressted with seth, sam, courtney and some kid named alex. word to the wise .... cops are assholes and even though youre in someone else's car you can still get arressted. longest weekend ever. freedom!

fuck authority dude.

Aug. 13th, 2006

college is here...

and i'm not sure how i feel about this. i had to say my goodbyes and i could feel like i was about to cry but i had to hold it in and save it for the ride while listening to probably the only music that would make me cry being pink floyd and led zeppelin... thanks classic rock. the drive here was numb. i looked up at the stars and the clouds and wished he was here. i can smell his hair in my dorm room and it makes me want to cry because i'm not there to scratch his back or arms or head or anything. i just miss him so much already.

i didn't get a chance to tell him i loved him.... so instead i gave him the note. i wonder how he feels.. i feel so anxious. i just need to know it's okay. i just want to hold him. it kills me. i miss every moment with him right now and i expect to go curl up with him on the couch or something to have him warm me up but goddamnit he's 40 minutes away.


it's just so hard and i guess i have to get used to it.

Aug. 8th, 2006

(no subject)

moving in day is friday. seth's coming with me. i wish i could stay here and do something but i've committed myself and now i'm stuck.

still need to tell him i love him.

friday night going to get drunk with rachel in atlanta. it'll be fun, i havent done that in a bit.

i'm constantly reassuring myself that everything will be alright and we'll be fine. i believe it, too. i just want this fall to be as amazing as this summer has been but it's hard when i've been with seth every single day for the past two months basically. it's weird.

i wrote him a long note about the summer. it made me smile and hope it makes him smile too.

i just packed up a bunch of shit... gotta run a whole bunch of errands tomorrow... and.. i wake up at 9 and right now it's like.. 5. shit.


oh well, goodnight

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